Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
