Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
