I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
