idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
