If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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