You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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