i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
