She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
