So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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