If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
