if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
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