I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
