Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
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I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
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He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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