there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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