Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
