I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
