does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
