She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
