youre lurking in front of me
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
