Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
