the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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