Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
