I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
did i just pee glitter
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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