i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
