apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
