Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
