She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
