you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize