We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
