stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
