Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
