First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
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New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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