Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Randomize
