omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
