Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize