apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
It was confusing and full of hummus
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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