At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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