i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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