out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize