Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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