Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
