the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
