Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
this just has baby written all over it
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
