dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
vagina is talking i cant
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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