She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
