Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
