Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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