i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
