Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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