tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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