I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
