so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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