I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
They took my balls.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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