Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize