I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream