careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
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I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
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If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.