I just gift wrapped bread.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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