hey, what are you doing tonight?
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS