its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
