what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
