In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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