there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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