Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
